Some Honest Thoughts Only Lightly Revised

What I need from my Substack community and from the world these days

Today, I feel raw and wounded. Like someone has scraped the insides of my belly across a cracked and broken roadway. L.A. is under siege by our own government. Gaza aid flotillas are being boarded by Israeli forces. The One Big Bastard of a Bill is threatening to rob Americans of vital supports and resources. RFK, Jr. is gleefully dismantling scientific and public health infrastructure. And we’re living in a “post-truth” world where reality is more than just subjective, it’s being determined by who can shout the loudest.

It’s no wonder I’m dysregulated and on emotional overload.

Yet, I feel like I have no reason to feel this way. The world is falling apart around me, but I’ve been spared the suffering. I had a delightful and relaxing weekend with my wife. I have a great job. My friends and loved ones are healthy, safe, and secure. My life is going well right now. I know I should be grateful for that, but instead, I just feel horribly guilty.

It’s hard to describe how incongruous these two realities are—experiencing the collapse of our democracy while my life continues along as normal. In some ways, it reminds me of 9-11, how the vibrant blue of the sky and the brilliant sunlight stood in stark contrast to what was happening across the Hudson River, less than 15 miles to the east. It was disorienting—a reality I couldn’t comprehend.

And now I again find myself in an incomprehensible world. Dark things are happening in this country—more than the erasure of people’s rights, but the erasure of people themselves. Lives are being torn asunder. Men, women, and children disappeared—stolen away by shadowy figures clothed in black with no credentials, no identification, and no warning. The stormtroopers of I.C.E. are afoot.

In L.A., we are on the precipice of another Kent State, and I am terrified. The city is on fire–not literally burning, despite what the Orange Menace wants us to think, but ready for a spark that will ignite a conflagration of violence and terror. U.S. soldiers turned against U.S. citizens. Americans fighting Americans. This is where we’re at. It’s where this shit-heel of a president has brought us. It’s where he wants us. He is itching for this fight.

And in response, I’m feeling hopeless. Disconnected. But I’m also feeling hatred and disgust. The anger is palpable. My impotent rage at the people who caused this hangs in the air, a putrid cloud. Inside, I’m crying, but outwardly, there are no tears. Just frustration. I no longer have the words to talk about what is happening. I can’t speak them aloud because I can barely wrap my brain around them. The anger and frustration stick in my throat. Anger at the lies, the manipulation, the abuse of power, the lack of compassion, lack of morals, lack of conscience, lack of reason, lack of humanity… it leaves me disgusted. It leaves me exhausted. It leaves me despondent.

The only way I have been able to cope with this angst is by trying to do kind things for others around me. To be supportive, and giving, and nurturing, and to spread love, because I don’t know what else to do to counter the awfulness in the world around me. I don’t know what else to do to counter the foul, sullen moods that come over me. To stop this hurt I feel. I’m built for harmony, not strife.

I’ve posted to Facebook asking people to share something positive in their lives, hoping to raise both my spirits and theirs. I’m doing loving kindness meditations. I’ve purchased paid subscriptions to a couple of Substackers I wanted to do something nice for. I volunteered to take minutes at an all-day meeting at work to make everyone’s life easier. Anything to make good things happen. To try to make my world make sense again. To make it feel in balance. And even if it doesn’t always help me feel better, at least it helps someone else. I can find hope in that.

But for hope to reach full bloom, I need your support. I need to know it’s more than just me. I need to know others feel this way, too. That I’m not alone in my hurt, rage, and confusion, but more importantly, that I’m not alone in wanting to create good. My soul needs a mass movement of kindness. Of people being good to each other. Acting to lift people up, to keep people whole.

That movement starts with me. And it starts with you. It starts with each of us, reaching out beyond ourselves to make someone else’s world better, in just the smallest way. For no other reason than we can.

That’s how it starts. So do something kind for someone today. Do it again tomorrow. Just one act. Do it for yourself. Do it for me. Do it for the world. We are not made to stand alone. We need each other, now, more than ever.

I rest tonight focused on one of my favorite Judaic teachings:

"He who saves a single life saves the world entire."

- Talmud (Sanhedrin 37a)